The Fight that Matters

Why This Story Matters

Leadership is not measured by the number of arguments we win but by the number of people we lift. That’s the why behind this story—because when leaders pick their battles wisely, they protect innovation, strengthen trust, and keep their teams’ energy aimed at what truly counts.

The Reunion

Years after I’d left the company for family reasons, our old team gathered on a windswept beach. Faces were older, laughter was the same. As I savored the moment, Rogier—now a senior corporate lawyer—tapped my shoulder.

Rogier: “You probably don’t remember, but you once gave me the most valuable tip of my career.”
Me: “Really? Remind me.”
Rogier: “After I’d clashed with marketing, you walked in, looked me straight in the eye, and said, ‘Rogier, pick your battles.’ Then you showed me how.”

His words jolted me. I did remember that conversation. And in that instant I realized my small piece of feedback had multiplied through Rogier’s career and the teams he now leads. That is the hidden power of a well-chosen battle—and of a well-chosen silence.

The Lesson: Pick Your Battles

When we fight every skirmish, we create “No” inflation.

• Too many no’s and people tune us out; our objections fade into background noise.

• Ego-driven no’s suffocate creativity and signal that only the leader’s ideas matter.

Innovation dies—not from one knockout punch, but from a thousand paper cuts of constant criticism.

Three Gut-Checks Before You Weigh In

1. Understand First

   • Have I truly grasped the idea?

   • Did I interrupt or zone out?

   • Does this issue carry real risk or is it minor?

2. Suspend Judgment

   • Did I start crafting my rebuttal before the presenter finished?

   • Am I searching for flaws just to prove I’m the smartest person in the room?

3. Reflect Back

   • Can I faithfully paraphrase the presenter’s core points?

   • Will my suggestion materially improve the outcome?

If your answer to any of these is no, let the idea stand. Your silence is a gift of focus.

Turning No into a Better Yes

When you do see a critical gap:

• Join, don’t oppose. Offer your insight as an enhancement, not a replacement.

• Credit the originator. Public praise multiplies ownership and sparks more ideas.

• Frame the purpose. Explain how the tweak advances the shared goal, not your ego.

When Your Ego Wants to Say Yes

The flip side is compliance. Our egos love dispensing exceptions—it feels powerful. Resist the reflexive yes:

• Use clear, objective criteria for any exemption.

• Ensure the rule truly missed an unforeseen scenario.

• Remember: a leader who respects the rules signals that everyone else should, too.

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Conscious Leadership Tip #4.: Pick your battles.

• Use “no” sparingly so it commands attention when it matters.

• Use “yes” judiciously when rules and integrity are on the line.

• Let ideas win, not egos.

When you master this balance, you become the conductor—bringing out the best in every instrument, guiding the symphony toward a purpose bigger than any single score.