The Fight that Matters

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I had left the company due to family circumstances. It was a hard decision because I felt I had let them down. Some years later, we had a team reunion. I was so thankful to see the old gang back. Nothing had changed among us after so many years, except they looked older. I guess I did too. I was now in a different country, but we just connected again. I thought how privileged I had been for working with such talented individuals to pursue our corporate objectives.

Many of them had changed jobs and were having bigger responsibilities. Just when I was mesmerized feeling the ocean breeze and thinking of the glory days, I heard Rogier calling my name. I came back from my thoughts to listen to something I still have not forgotten.
– Rogier: You probably don’t remember this, but one day you gave me the most valuable tip of my career.
– Enrique: I am glad to hear that Rogier and what did I say to you?
– Rogier: I have had a heated argument with a guy from the marketing department earlier that morning. You came into my office, looked me in the eyes and said: “Rogier, you’ve got to pick your battles”. Then, you explained to me what you meant by that.


Rogier was wrong on one thing. I did remember clearly saying that to him. The reason why is because I enjoy very much giving feedback and I try to be very present and conscious when I do it. Perhaps Rogier was exaggerating and the wine we had over dinner may have played a part on that too. In any case, it felt really great to hear that. It made me think that I had contributed my grain of sand to the successful corporate lawyer Rogier is today. It also felt good because he got it. We have all heard “pick your battles” hundreds of times, but Rogier got it and implemented it.


Many years later, I still believe it is essential to focus on what it is important and “present battle” only when it is needed. If we pick on every minor thing, we create and inflationary effect on the word NO. Your NO, it is valued less and less. It comes to a point that people do not hear your NO, because it is expected and part of the overall noise present in each presentation, on every new project, on every new idea. You are no longer constructive, you have become an unavoidable nuisance to innovation. Inadvertently, your ego has killed the innovation in your team and perhaps beyond that.


All this has happened because your ego wants everyone to know that you disagree. Your ego wants to show that you have a better idea, that your have valuable arguments to oppose that course of action, that your thought process is different …and better. Your ego makes you think that adopting a negationist attitude towards new projects or ideas is being thorough, accurate, precise, meticulous. The truth is that the ego loves to compete and win. According to your ego, only you must have ideas, that is why you are the leader. One must definitely keep the ego in check. Before you modify an idea or project ask yourself the following questions:


1) Have I really understood what was presented to me? Was I focus and actively listening? Have I interrupted the presentation at any given time? How important is really the issue we are discussing? Is it worth the effort? What is the likely outcome of that idea being implemented? Does it create big risks? Would “my way” make a significant difference?


2) Did I judge the presentation before it was given to me? Was a really able to suspend judgment till the end of the presentation? Was I thinking a response to show off? Was I looking for something to comment, just to prove that I am the smartest person in the room?

3) Did I explain my views, ignoring everything else that had been said before? Can I actually paraphrase what the other person has said, as to prove that I was genuinely listening?

If after this brief analysis, you conclude that your suggestion is not going to be a significant improvement, drop it and move on to the next important topic. If, on the other hand, you think you have a major contribution to make, present it as an improvement to the proposed plan. Do not oppose it but join it and upgrade or enhance it, enthusiastically. Do not steal the ownership of the original idea. On the contrary, give publically credit for it. Giving credit for ideas or contributions to team members does not diminish you, in any way, as leader. On the contrary, giving praise for new ideas stimulates talent and innovation in your team and it helps establishing you as a Conscious Leader.


In the Coronalism era, the leader is a facilitator, similar to the conductor of an orchestra, who needs to get the best of each team member. If a leader claims ownership for all projects and new ideas, he or she is not fostering innovation in the team and therefore not adopting a conscious leadership role.

When allowing new ideas and a culture of innovation and managing the word NO scarcely, if people hear it, it will capture their attention and they will take your NO seriously.


I want to emphasize that this relates to new projects, proposals, or ways to do things. In conclusion, what we have discussed here applies to all different approaches to get a project done, especially to innovation.
There is another area where the complete opposite is true. This means that our ego always wants to say YES, but we should be careful administering the YES with moderation. The area we are referring to is related to compliance with internal rules in the broadest sense of the word. Your ego also wants to show that it is in charge and that it has the power to be “above the law”. The ego wants to prove that you are the decision maker unbound by any rule and based only on your will at that precise moment. That gives the ego a false sense of power. The ego wants people to be thankful to you and appreciative of your power.


When somebody comes to you to ask you for an exception to a rule, your first reaction is going to say YES. Whether you are leading in a corporate environment, a sport club, and association or any other human project you must respect the value of rules. I do not mean by this that one should be inflexible applying the rules. However, one grant an exemption based only on objective criteria. Frequently, it would be for an event that was not possible to envisage when the rule was enacted by the rule maker.


Conscious Leadership Tip 4: when performing a leadership position, pick your battles, be conscious of your ego interference. We are not there to prove our ideas are better than the rest but to make things happen. In many cases is better that people take ownership of their own ideas than following an imposition from their leader. If you want to change something present it as an addition rather than as an amendment. Administer the NO wisely or team members will stop presenting to you new ideas or projects. Obviously, if someone presents something that you know is going to be impossible or counterproductive it is your duty to stop and say NO. When the issue is about compliance, be careful. Your ego will be inclined to make exceptions. You need to be flexible but very objective. Apply exceptions only when needed. Administer the YES wisely.

Recommended readings:
“How to keep your ego in check so you can keep developing”.
Harvey Schachter
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/management/how-to-keep-your-ego-in-check-so-you-can-keep-developing/article27052704/



Comments

  1. Post
    Author
    Enrique Opi

    You are right, Antonio! Often people confuse assertiveness with immediate gut feeling reaction, out of thin air and reaffirmation of the ego. In these cases, managers do not really care about what they say, but HOW they say it. it is the acting performance over the substance of the decision made. We could call it: Pop Leadership 🙂

  2. AntonioWMC

    Great insight.

    There’s so much focus nowadays on being assertive, that we are sometimes going to extremes. Assertivity is a double-edged sword, specially for leaders.

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