I have been getting some messages from readers, which I could group under the topic of honesty. Many of them deal with the issue of truth and one reader has asked me a direct question about how do I feel about promises made by leaders. I think this is a fundamental question and I would like to share my views on this and hope to steer a fruitful debate where we can all learn.
What does it mean to make a promise or keep your word? Essentially, it is doing what you said you will do. Simple, right? However, promises are key to everything we are and we do. It is one of those things that are fundamental in life but, unfortunately, it is not being discussed in most schools, the media or political debate. The exception may be Finland ,where during the early years of children development they focus on values. Only at age of seven they begin to impart technical knowledge and learn how to read and write. Perhaps this is one of the keys, which makes Finland one of the top countries regarding educational standards.
Unfortunately, this is not the case in most parts of the world. Especially now, in such a volatile reality, the future is impossible to predict and promises have ceased to be important. We have grown more acceptant of our leaders not keeping their promises. Whether this is in politics, sports, product marketing , the economy or about corporate results.
Why then promises should be relevant to us? I posit to you that promises are an essential aspect of conscious leadership. They reinforce and make our leadership grow in two distinct ways: internally (self growth) and externally (team loyalty). Promises are the ability to stay true to yourself and others.
PROMISES: A PATH FOR SELF-GROWTH
Promises are essential to build self-confidence. It is important to distinguish self-esteem with a cult to our own ego. Self-confidence has nothing to do with praise, external rewards or adulation. It is not about how others perceive us, but rather how we see ourselves. It is simply the measurement of our ablity to keep our promises. Often people confuse ego hypertrophy with self-confidence, when in a reality they are opposite traits of character.
This is also linked with our physiological responses and how dopamine works. Interestingly enough, it has been shown that external rewards after achievements, slows down the production of dopamine. In a way, we have to choose between internal or external rewards. Our body is trying to tell us that external rewards feed our ego and internal rewards build our self-confidence. Internal rewards recompense ourselves through dopamine, healthy living and satisfaction. In short: they lead us to happyness.
Promises can be about simple goals, as we consciously monitor ourselves to build our self-esteem. There is an video on youtube by a military leader about how to change the world by making your bed. Small objectives serve the purpose of building your self-confidence in order to be able to set higher targets.
https://youtu.be/3sK3wJAxGfs
Understanding the process on how to build self-confidence is fundamental when mentoring persons and teams. It is also essential in goal setting. Goals must be S.M.A,R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) if we want to grow as individuals or as a team in a given project.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria
Promises and goal setting go hand-in-hand. We will see this in more detail, below, when we discuss the “bullet proof” promise. In conclusion, keeping promises is also evidence that you know and respect yourself, and it is a first step towards counsciousness. We show awareness of the fact that we are all connected and we are able to transcend and give love, respect, friendship and recognize in all human dignity. When you make a promise to yourself, you are taking the time to work towards improving your life. It is a moment of introspection and inner dialogue. This point is necessary to lead people in any given life circumstance, be it in the context of sport, religion, family or a professional organization.
PROMISES: BUILDING TEAM LOYALTY
Honoring your promises, no matter how small, can earn you an enviable reputation for dependability, reliability and trustworthiness. This, in turn, can help you to develop and deepen your leadership.Promises are fundamental for building leadership and creating team loyalty. When we follow through on our commitments with thoughtful actions, it only serves to strengthen connections with team members. Promises hold a lot of emotional value and they create a culture of truth, accountability and transparency. It is directly related to inner motivation and sense of purpose. On the other hand, studies suggest that when we break a promise, there is a steep decline of trust.
Even in the darkest situations, for example, leading individuals to create an evil entreprise, promises are also essential. This could be seen as the ethics of evil. For example, people who met Colombian narco kingpin Pablo Escobar coincide in saying that he was a murderer, capable of the worst atrocities but he was no liar. Honoring promises commands respect in all situations and all walks of life. This works because a promise is a challenge. It requires steping out our comfort zone, break a habit or show corage. It wins respect and builds leadership. Keeping promises reiforces team values, principles, and makes people strive for high standards of behavior and results.
On the other hand, if a leader does not keep his or her word, the team may grow dissatisfied with the leadership. Team members will put more effort into developing backup plans (in case the leader does not deliver) than getting the task done. We will be witnessing only in a formal leadership, as those backup plans will be prioritised by the team over the designated leader instructions. There will be unclear direction and conflict. As a result, the team’s motivation and performance will drop off.
These reasons make that very few people break promises intentionally. Reasons why some leaders cannot keep their word vary, for example:
– We do not even know we have made a promise. It often happens to exuberant leaders who have a particular way of communicating and have a tendency towards hyperbole or metaphores. Often, they can’t even recall to make a promise, because the prommise was made under the spell of an electrifying moment and/or…their ego.
– There are more important tings to do, priorities have suddenly shifted and we have not ommunicated them properly and timely.
– We simply lack the power to make what we simply said we will do, etc.
In order to avoid falling in these patterns, we must know how to make promises. This is something it is not taught in schols or universities but it is essential for leading people.
HOW TO MAKE A BULLET PROOF PROMISE
When a promise is broken reputations, relationships and personal integrity suffer. Here, you can find some thoughts o how to make promises that will support your growth and achieve team loyalty.
Most of us make promises for good reasons. Whether is at work, with family, friends or sport mates, most promises are made with good intentions. However, we need to approach making promises strategically, if we do not want to dissapoint ourselves and others. Just few thoughts on this;
1.- Be aware, be conscious. This really helps. Keeping your ego in line and being aware of your essence, give us a unique perspective to respect others and ourselves. Avoid being addicted to distractions. Be present. Look in the eyes when making a promise.
2.- Promises are like currency, if we artificially increase supply we end up with inflation. Our word is perceivved as having less value.
3.- Do not make promises lightly or impulsively. When makeing a promise think tactically about the several actions and coordinates required for the performance of your obligation time: budget, resources, contracts, previous commitments, etc. Make sure that what you promise is within your reach of action. It is always better to admit that you do not have the power, the capacity, the knowledge or the ability to do something. Never overpromise or underdeliver.
4.- The boundaries of your promises should be your own free will. Do not make promises that are outside your personal boundaries or involve third parties. As a general rule, do not promise results but effort and future action. Do not put yourself in a position of being hostage of someone else in order to deliver your commitment. Sometimes the most reassuring promise is the one which is left undone.
5.- Be very clear on what you are committing to. Sometimes, people only half listen what is being said because they WANT something very specific. Negotiate your promise and clarify beyond reasonable doubt the scope of your objective. Many years back, when I was in consultancy, I had a recurrent dream about the audience grossly misinterpreting my words during a sales pitch. Even my subconscious was hinting me to improve my approach to consciousness. I had to adapt the message to the interlocutor.
6.- Find the real reason of your promise. If your ultimate reason and your goal is compelling enough, this will keep you motivated. However, if you do not know the reason, or you were “convinced” to say yes, chances are that you will not deliver on your promise. Do not promise just to please people because you will end up dissappointing them.
7.- Despite everything we have said, there is always the possibility for an unforeseable event outside our control which prevents us to honor our word, no matter how hard we try. This is the “Act of God” or “Force Majeure” theory. Among these circumstances we can find that illness, family emergencies, and equipment malfunctions are forgivable. In these cases, we must strive at explaining in detail what has happened, apologize deeptly and feel empathy with the other person. We should avoid focusing on our problems, but on the fact that we have not honored our word, at least, not on time.
If you are reading this you were not born to follow. Think of promises as a tool to improve your leadership skills both internally and externally. Please share your views and experiences to help this community to grow and learn from each other. I promise I will read them.
